
Geordie and I, along with rather too many dogs, were walking through the Secret Garden engrossed with discussing the borders and the damage caused by a sudden influx of mice. At the far end, Paul the head gardener and his team were finishing off a new path linking the garden, via an archway, with the Wood of Goodwill; forks and spades leaning against the small garden tractor.

The shop inspiring the sketch
This industrious scene was interrupted by the voice of Darren at the crossroads announcing over the radio that a van had arrived with a delivery of candles. I immediately answered back asking “is that four candles?” Geordie, not to be outdone, added that he hoped it was fork handles, quickly followed by John the Castle Manager, broadcasting from the Castle office, that there were “more than four candles in a van, Lady Carnarvon.” We were all, of course, thinking of the “Two Ronnies” sketch “Four Candles”, which is essential and repeat viewing at Highclere.
The scene opens in a village shop, with an old-fashioned long counter, high shelving, rolling country accents, fork handles, four candles and all options in between. My parents so enjoyed the Two Ronnies and, fortunately, some of their sketches are now available on YouTube. They do make many of us laugh out loud and in fact I sometimes ask those applying for a job here if they have seen it. A sense of humour, and possibly a British sense of humour at that, is almost an essential component of life at Highclere.
John suggested to Darren that the van with said candles were most likely to be for Sally in the gift shop. The van driver was therefore directed to pull up behind the courtyard and John radioed James in the estate office to help who, in turn, dispatched Alex to help unload. Meanwhile, Sally got on the radio, slightly bemused, saying she was not expecting any votives or diffusers but she was leafing through her desk to try to work out what might be arriving.
By now, Geordie and I had returned to the courtyard to find Alex and the driver pushing a huge pallet of enormous candles uphill. Slightly startled I said “Golly there are more than four candles and they are enormous! What has Sally ordered?” It was obvious they were not going to fit into Sally’s shop entrance and, far from votives, might they be outside candles?
Sally appeared looking somewhat nonplussed but it suddenly dawned on Geordie that, in fact, they were his “four candles” which he and Simon the farm manager had ordered for the vineyard to help protect against frosts. They were therefore now in the wrong place and either Alex and the van driver would either have to push the pallet downhill for a mile or so or reload the van and take them there. Sally was hugely relieved and retired from the scene.
The whole saga had occupied “Radio Highclere” for some twenty minutes to great hilarity but at this point everyone lost interest and Geordie realised that it was up to him to call Simon to help sort it out.
We planted a vineyard some three years ago so it is very much in its infancy and we have pursued a steep learning curve with it. This spring has brought some welcome sunshine but that has been contrasted with deeply cold, clear nights. Our first defence is a gas heater which is activated on temperature and then stays on until the temperature rises. However, the frosts have been so severe that we soon bought a second one and then the candles to act as a back-up to the modern heaters.
It is a traditional and beautiful sight to see rows of candles lit underneath the vines but it does mean getting up in the small hours. They have been much used in France which has had some utterly devastating frosts this year which have wiped out large areas of vines. From Bordeaux to Burgundy, the Rhône Valley to Champagne, the destruction has been the worst in decades and the families owning the vineyards need emergency rescue packages as some have lost 80% of the vines.
Here in England, the vines’ growing season is a little later due to our climate but nevertheless, although we have now pruned our vines, we have left on a good three buds above the usual place to prune in order to be able to do it once more if we get a late long frost.
Although it has been hard work so far, we are still hoping that, in the long run, having our own vineyard will be worth all the effort. After all, in the words of Napoleon Bonaparte: “Wine is inspiring, and adds greatly to the joy of living.”
Hear Hear.
Lady Carnarvon, natural humour, wonderful! Last photo, beautiful. Best To All, Cheryl
Thank you
Here across the pond we enjoy waking up to your Monday morning blog. Thank you
what a fun blog you write, thank you!
Here, Here!
Have a wonderful day my friend!
Love the story! I’m still laughing at Geordie! Please keep making our Mondays something to look forward to.
Thank you for reading and being part of it!
Fun story, I needed it on this overcast Monday. Thanks
I don’t comment often, but I must say this was “laugh out loud” funny! Happy Monday!
Good morning, Lady Carnarvon, from Massachusetts, USA.
In the Book, “Farmer Boy” by Laura Ingalls Wilder, the family had to be up before sunrise to splash a little water onto each and every corn (maize) plant to protect their crop. Other people turn on the automatic sprayer to cover their raspberries if frost threatens. Others go out in the wee smalls to cover their tomatoes with bed-quilts. I am still carrying my little flats of young seedlings in and out of the house.
Happy Spring to you all.
Carrying out my numerous flats everyday too so you’re not alone!! Our date in NH for planting is 5/20 so many more putting out and taking in days ahead!
Lovely story. Thank you for sharing. You write beautifully… I can see your vineyard now in my mind.
So glad to find a group of the Two Ronnies “Four Candles” enthusiasts! So funny! We thoroughly enjoyed our visit to Highclere the autumn before Covid hit. Thank you again for the gluten free goodies at the tea. They were delicious! Hope all goes well with your vines.
Thank you we have been weeding this morning before the weather turns
Such an entertaining post. I love this sketch from the Two Ronnies, always make me laugh out loud. You found a great way to make us all laugh and that is so needed nowadays, thank you. Have a lovely week!
How beautiful the vineyards with the “four candles”…or fork handles? So funny, and for more laughs, I am going to watch “Two Ronnies” on YouTube, too! One day we can anticipate a “Chateau Highclere ” fine wine? That would be lovely…as we say in Greece, quoting Homer:
“Wine can of their wits the wise beguile,
make the sage frolic, and the serious smile”.
I love the quote thank you Catherine
Mistakenly, before I read, I scrolled through for a quick view of the pictures. Upon seeing all of the candles in neat rows, I thought, “Hmmm; there a military cemetery at Highclere?” CANDLES; NOT GRAVE MARKERS!!!
I’m with you, Mike! I expected a tribute to veterans, too. Ha!
Lady Carnarvon, it does sound like y’all have so much fun. Your blog made me laugh and smile thinking about the conversations flying over the radio. I can’t imagine how much work your vineyard must take during those cold snaps but I hope one day to taste the rewards from your vineyard.
Keep laughing,
Pam
Time is passing so the prospect of wine is closer..
This post just made my morning!! What a cast of delightful characters you all are!! I love your sense of humor and banter! Oh, to have been there! When I first started reading the post it seemed to be the paragraph right out of the book “ The Secret Garden” by Burnett, but it ended up a far more amusing adventure than the book!!! Keep sharing your days-it’s been a great read during the pandemic across the pond!!
Worthwhile see Four Candles too…
Dear Lady Carnarvon,
Thanks for the Monday cheer! We love British TV shows and that is mostly what we watch.
My gardenia and hibiscus are traveling in and out of the house. The orchids are longing for the Virginia humidity, but alas they are house bound for a few more weeks.
Your vineyard lit by candles (more like torches lol) is an amazing sight!
Until next week stay healthy and happy!!!
Shelley in Virginia
I enjoyed watching the Ronnies “Four candles it made me laugh and lovely pictures of Higcelere castle l would love to visit it there
Greetings again Lady Carnarvon,
Thank you for the partially humorous story to begin our week. So sorry to hear the weather is again so challenging especially to wine growers. Having toured many French (Italian & California) vineyards (pre Covid of course) it is sad to think of the loss many of them are experiencing. Also, loving Highclere Gin, I am so looking forward to getting to know Highclere Wine one day! I will send along hopes and prayers that your vineyards carry forward and no long deep frost effects them.
Remain well and thank you again for your lovely, entertaining and educational blog.
Lynn Barber
Thank you Lynn.
Dear Lady Carnarvon,
Did you need any “hoes” or “hose” for the vineyard?
Thank you for prompting the old memories of the wonderful humour of The Two Ronnies.
Thank you for sharing the photos too. The one of ‘the candles under the grape vines’ is a particularly stunning photograph.
I also smiled on reading the sign addressed to ‘cast and crew’ that can be seen in the photo of Sally. It made me wonder whether the crew ever purchased some letter “P’s” for the clapper-board or alternatively, if they were hungry, maybe they might buy a tin of “peas”?
Anyway, that’s all from me for this week. So:
“It’s goodnight from me”.
“And it’s goodnight …..”
Goodnight
I so look forward to your Monday post! Here, here indeed and thank you.
A wonderful post as usual. I loved the last photo. Just wondering, whose job is it to light the candles?
That is is the question ….
Dear Lady Carnarvon:
Thank you for your funny Monday blog and pictures. It was a good “cheer-me-up” read for this rainy day we are experiencing here in Michigan.
Until next week, keep the home fires lit and the humor going.
Perpetua Crawford
How incredible and devastating. I, not being familiar with Vineyards, Had no idea France had been hard hit by frost, or the painstaking task of protecting them? Who Knew?? Best of Luck to your Vineyard undertaking. Born and raised in Kentucky, USA, Horses and Farming other Veggies and Fruits, I am very familiar with fighting Mother Nature. Thank you for this wonderful Post. Now I must See the Two Ronnies. Traveling to YouTube to view.
Lady Carnarvon,
Love this & thank you for sharing.
Have a *Sparkling* day xx
Cheers,
Barbara
Thank you !!
I really look forward to reading your blogs always makes me smile
Wonderful post, as always! Will be watching The 2 Ronnies again on you tube, thanks to you!
Look forward to enjoying the outcome of your vineyard work.
Blessings to all your hard work.
How are these candles lite? Are they like regular candles with a wick? What happens if they get blown out by wind or dosed by rain?
Sorry if I sound clownish, but I have never heard of doing this before today.
Thank you for the lovely and educational blog entry.
Gail
Candles have been used over millenia…
Love this story and hoping this helps with your vineyards! Hoping to visit you some day when normalcy allows! Hugs from
Given the extraordinary quality of British wines nowadays, this is a good move!
That Two Ronnies sketch is a masterpiece.
Keep those vines warm!
Hello, my late husband passed away in a hospice sometime ago. At the last Christmas market before Covid I was delighted to see that Four Candles/Fork Handles have been turned into Christmas cards. Needless to say I bought a few packets and it was quite amusing. All the really young people couldn’t understand why everyone slightly older was so amused at pictures of two garden fork handles with two candles in each one. Much hilarity as we older ones talked the youngsters through the process.
Dear Lady Carnarvon,
Thank you for your amusing blog on this rainy Bank Holiday Monday. The gardens and the vines no doubt need some rain though.
The Two Ronnie would have laughed at your antics in Highclere with your own “Candles Sketch” I think. We have watched re-runs of The Two Ronnies as well over the past year. There’s nothing like a good laugh to cheer us all up. “Porridge” is another favourite of ours from Ronnie Barker.
Good luck with your vineyard – it looks magical in the candlelight. The wine will surely taste especially wonderful after so much hard work.
Lady Carnarvon –
Good morning from the US. I love this skit, especially the play on words. Here’s the link for anyone who would like to see it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ozpek_FrOPs
Thank you for the laugh on a Monday morning 🙂
Cheers!!
Thank you!!!!
Always a delight to find out the goings on at Highclere! I love your gin and look forward to tasting your wine someday.
Dear Lady Carnarvon,
This made me laugh out loud, loved the two Ronnies, I had the script for the Fork handles signed by the Two Ronnies bought for my birthday years ago, everytime I read it, it makes me laugh out loud. I love the picture of the candles lit under the vines, looking forward to tasting the wine.
Regards & best wishes
Lorraine xxx
Reading your Blog this morning brought to mind the Apple and Peach Orchards located not too far from my home that were planted on the Battlefield of Monmouth here in New Jersey. The Battlefield owes its survival to the very farmers who wishing to preserve the Field for Posterity offered their farms to the State of New Jersey if the fields could continue to be cultivated and the the Lands be dedicated as the Monmouth Battlefield and open to the public. This was in fact done and a major part of United States History preserved.
Thank you for your weekly Blog.
Dear Lady Carnarvon,
Thanks again for a Monday morning laugh followed by a smile!! As we sometimes say, MLIMA (my Lord, it’s Monday again), I look forward to your good Monday wake-up stories. Hope your week is kind to those who push the pallets and to the young grape vines. Here’s to Highclere Castle Chardonnay or Pinot Noir – and others!
Martha Glass
Dear Lady Carnarvon,
Your story of the candles reminds me of using smudge pots to protect our citrus trees here in California. I love “Fawlty Towers” and will find “The Two Ronnies” and watch it. Humor is always a good thing…I like John Donne’s quote: “We give each other a smile with a future in it.” Your blog has given us many smiles!
Thank you Lady Carnarvon for another very funny and very informative story. I’m going to YouTube now to search for Two Ronnies in the Four Candles sketch. My husband and I had a macadamia nut orchard in Hawaii. We started it on 17 acres of old sugar cane land and know all about the huge effort it is to start an agricultural project and keep it going!! We wish you all the very best in your vineyard with all the variables (weather, temps, disease, critters) that come into play. How many more years will it take before you will have enough grapes to make and bottle wine?
We can pick a few grapes this year …(the third summer) really 5 years for quantity
Did you know the macadamia is native to Australia and was Named by a Mr MacAdam?
Vineyard vigil against frost!
I just looked up “Two Ronnies – Four Candles” on YouTube – it is hilarious!!
Have a wonderful day!
Love it! Just what I needed to cheer me up today!
Hilarious read today – thank you!
I do hope the vineyards recover well – very interesting to hear how you are dealing with the weather. Magical photo.
Off to watch that sketch again I think!
Dear Lady Carnarvon,
Great article!!!! Love the pictures.
Have a wonderful week.
Lisa Cosgrove
Bolingbrook IL 25 miles west of Chicago
Dear Lady Carnarvon,
A sense of humor in the workplace is essential to keep ones sanity at times. In your case, one quote led to another and the whole thing was hilarious! Good luck on your vineyard. In the future we hope to be drinking Highclere wine!
Sparkling wine!
You have made my Monday morning as you always do. I had not heard of the two Ronnies so made a dash to the YouTube and watched. Very funny and the best part – clean without a single curse word. It was also a reminder that my southern accent and colloquialisms are sometimes misunderstood where I now live.
Dear Lady Carnarvon,
I just finished watching “Fork Handles”. Of course, it is right up there with Fawlty Towers. I only like British comedies and dramas. Hubby thinks I am a bit off. He just doesn’t get them.
I love the vineyard candles. In the U.S., we used to use smudge pots (little round pots fueled by coke, a coal derivative) in the orange tree orchards. My family was nomadic between California and Nevada. Although, I don’t recall what crops they might have been used for in Nevada, they were a common sight in California.
Last January a man was caught stealing about 100 smudge pots from farms and thieves stole about 100 from University of California Riverside Citrus Center. The University theft was valued at over $10,000. The man caught stealing the farm heaters had a bail of $100,000 and I imagine there was jail time as he was caught red handed. These farm heaters are often stolen and sold for about $200 each to recyclers and individuals wanting them for other uses such as campong trips.
After more than 70 years of use, the little coke filled smudge pots were replaced by cleaner air devices fueled by propane pipelines. The heaters used today are rather large metal monsters that look something like a Mexican chimenea (attractive little free standing fireplace with a rounded body made of clay popular in the West and Southwest), around 4 to 5 feet tall and installed on the pipelines.
The little smudge pots of old could be held in both hands and had to be individually lit. I have seen these being sold on eBay for around $30 and more.
Personally, I like the use of your candles. They make a lovely sight at night and are coddling for a happy vineyard.
Thank you for the photos and story.
My best, Susan
Dear Lady Carnarvon,
Thank you for the lovely photos! Can’t wait to visit sometime in the near future. Can’t wait to smell those candles, and taste the Highclere Gin!
Sending a pocketful of Sunshine to you, from Sunny Orlando, Florida!
Have a wonderful week!
Tati Perez
Down the street from Mickey Mouse, Florida. 🙂
You too – have a good week
I live in California’s wine and fruit production area, although Silicon chips have mostly replaced prunes and apricots as the major product now. San Jose is home to Mirassou, considered America’s oldest winery. Everybody in San Jose has family stories about picking prunes and cutting cots. Schools also used to have breaks to allow students to harvest walnuts. I cut cots as a kid and it was really hard work. The joke was that it was how moms got their kids out of the house for the summer. Here in the valley, the farmers used smudge pots in the orchards. I do not know if they can be used in vineyards but here is the information:
A smudge pot (also known as a choofa or orchard heater) is an oil-burning device used to prevent frost on fruit trees. Usually a smudge pot has a large round base with a chimney coming out of the middle of the base. The smudge pot is placed between trees in an orchard. The burning oil creates heat, smoke, carbon dioxide, and water vapor. It was believed that this oil burning heater would help keep the orchard from cooling too much during the cold snaps.
Good luck in the new vineyard.
Thank you !!
Off a bit from the topic of wine, I recently received my order of Highclere gin. A friend (who considers himself a gin aficionado) and I had a lovely taste of it, and I have only one word to comment on it……yum!
I am so glad – I think the gin has won 26 gold/platinum awards. Cheers!
Dear Lady Carnavon,
I loved your article this morning and your humorous confusion of that morning. But I was distracted by those gorgeous flower pots you have in your garden shoppe!! They are fantastic! I would love to tour the house and then finish with a wonderful shopping trip on your estate!!
Regards to you and your husband,
Mrs. Cathleen Brickhouse
Napa Valley uses wind machines -growers will strategically place wind machines in areas of lower elevation that are poised to collect cooler air as it sinks. When we first moved here we thought there were helicopters hovering over us in the early morning. The neighbors must have had a good laugh watching us out in our pajamas looking up into the sky.
I enjoyed your commentary, so much. It is nice to see the world through another’s eyes. Good luck with your grapes! I love a Moscato:). We had the polar vortex here, in Texas, it was quite a lot of damage, as we were not set up for such low temps. Hope your efforts at keeping the grapes warm work well.
Regards,
Mrs. Martha Teague
Thank you Martha
Good Morning Lady Carnarvon
I love the photo of your candle lit vineyards rather Chrismassy look isn’t it?
I live in a big wine and fruit growing area and at different times of the year different things were covered with white fabric, rather like the old fashioned mosquito nets. Now upgraded we have metal frames covered in taught white mesh like fabric and farmers have discovered that since they put that up, the grapes love it too.
As you know frost sinks towards the earth and these what-ever-you-call-them not only protect the fruit trees from bats and birds, but also stop frost damage to the grapes. Mind you a few million dollars to install them is helpful to have hanging around and if I find a spare million or two I shall send it straight to you 🙂
I am a non drinker (says the daughter of an ex publican) but occasionally I partake of a glass of Riccadonna or similar on a hot day but it must be deliciously cold. Hopefully we will be able to buy some Highclere wine here in the future.
Now I am going to have a good giggle at the 2Ronnies in the hardware store and the episode where they go to the beach all kind of high jinks take place.
Take care everybody, keep safe and keep well. Regards to Lady and Lord Carnarvon and cyalateralligator 🙂
Joy Roebig
Orange Australia
Enjoy the Two Ronnie’s
Dear Lady Carnarvon,
There is nothing so relaxing and soul enriching as working in a garden. I am homeschooling my nephew this year and we have recently “planted” our crop of veggies and flowers. It is one of the highlights of the school day to watch the little seedlings growing.
Best of luck with your vineyard.
Cheryl Lewis
Thank you Cheryl
The California &/or agricultural ‘kids’ in this ‘Monday family’ have revealed themselves.
I grew up among Date groves (Date Palm trees) in the Palm Springs area, California. And though I remember the local citrus groves, it was the Date groves that came to mind when I saw Lady Carnarvon’s photo of Highclere’s slender pruned vines in regimented rows.
Harvesting the dates when they were ripe was an astounding feat, as the men would literally climb up the Palm’s trunk to the top of the towering heights and used their machete-like knives to cut the bunches of dates from the crown of the Palm trees. (There were no mechanical lifts back then & no ladder was even close to long enough as the Palms can grow 100 feet tall).
The sight amazed me as a child (it was especially dramatic if it was windy) and I so admired the strength, skill & bravery of the harvesters.
Though, to be honest, back then I wasn’t all that fond of dates.
Hello, my name is Lisa Dakdduk in Hammock Beach Florida.
I just had to say thank you for introducing me to The Two Ronnie’s.
I went on YouTube to watch the Four Candles! Boy I miss the old T.V like that. The creativity and improv was great. Thanks you, it felt good to really laugh out loud again. Lisa
Laughter is so good isn’t it!
There is a simple movie that addresses frost emergencies in a rather unique and magical way, starring a young Keanu Reeves. It is worth a watch: A Walk in the Clouds.
Thank You Soo Much, for ‘Four Candles’ I desperately needed a healing Laugh!!! The Perfect Medicine!
Thanks
Chip
Lady Carnarvon, for tomorrow I wish you a very Happy Mother’s Day. I hope it will be wonderful with your Husband and Son. Maybe they will pamper you a little bit. All The Very Best, Cheryl.
Sadly it is not Mothers’ Day here!
A fun read, thank you.