
Meeting ones in- laws for the first time is something most people remember. The basic rule is probably to try not to get it wrong: definitely saying less, not more and, of course, avoiding such a “series of unfortunate events” as depicted in many a Hollywood film from “Meet the Parents” to “Monster in law”.

My own parents with their “in-laws”
I certainly remember when Geordie first met my mother, who very shortly decided he was funny and great company. They shared a love of limericks and I can still hear the laughter. She felt that supper was not supper without a glass of wine and Geordie would catch the underground rather than drive.
Having got through my own initial meeting with Geordie’s parents, there came the time when I first had to cook supper for them. It was on a weekend and dinner was to be ready between 8pm and 8.15pm. Geordie was fussing: no onions, no garlic, nothing too complicated, the table properly set and definitely ironed napkins. In fact, what was I cooking? What was the pudding? Where were the side plates and had I remembered flowers…?
Being older helps, as nothing is more invaluable than experience. I remember my parents’ dinner parties, the balance of hot and cold courses which makes serving easier and the planning and preparation that enabled everything to run smoothly. Our father died too young, and as we struggled through the grief and aftermath, one of the most important parts of each day was supper. Whether I was making spaghetti Bolognese, fish pie or a salad, it was about food and sharing, enjoying a glass of red wine and sitting down around a table together. It is much easier to think and to talk over good food.
Food can help you feel better. You can improve your health by changing the type of food you eat or incorporating certain food stuffs into your diet. Spinach helps with the tiredness due to low iron, turmeric reputedly helps joints and nerves, watercress, rocket and cauliflower may help combat cancer. Both Frederick the Great and Napoleon are credited with saying that an army marches on its stomach.
Looking through old recipe books, or reading historical descriptions of great feasts, you realise how much food has changed over the centuries. I assumed we had more choice today given all the resources, we have, yet I am not sure we do. From quinces to crab apples, different birds and uses of meat, fish and variety even of something as basic apples, I’m not sure we’re better off today, or if we use it as wisely.
In the Castle, the cocktails and dinner are planned and timed nearly always 8pm for 8.30pm. That way it is not too late for the kitchen and banqueting, as they need to clear up afterwards. Paul the chef needs a ten minute warning before we go through to the dining room and it all works by nods and glances so that, hopefully, nobody sees it is working – it just magically happens. Curiously enough, the dogs do seem to understand and notice the tiny movements and are always ready to join in. Luckily perhaps for all of us, they get fed much earlier and are definitely not encouraged in the dining room!
In the meantime, whilst it should almost certainly be agreed that that neither age nor glasses of wine should ever be counted, the ancient Greek advice of “ everything in moderation” almost certainly enables the feasting to carry on for many more years than would otherwise be the case.
Enjoy your blogs brings back happy memories of visiting ivy and Johnny
Thank you – do you have any photos of Ivy or Johnnie?
I love your Blog
Dear Lady Carnovon,
Memories are wonderful and if only I had kept a journal to recall the details!
Did you or your staff keep a separate record of your dinner parties and events to recall menus and sources to use for future reference?
Yes they did – they are not all there but quite a lot are!
What a lovely wedding photo. I can see where you got your pretty smile and blonde hair. I too remember cooking that important meal for my new in laws.
It was Thanksgiving and I cooked my first turkey dinner. Happy memories.
Smiles
My dear Lady Carnarvon, I am a new subscriber to your blog, and I find it most enjoyable. I have always had a fascination with Highclere and it’s history. Your writing brings a full-circle of interest and history.
I am curious, do you personally take the images that you use on your blog? They are beautifully taken and bring your writing to life.
I especially enjoy seeing your pups included!
Thank you for your time and effort in writing your wonderfully entertaining and informative blog.
Linda DeRose-Droubay, from Virginia, USA.
Thank you – re the photos it does vary -my son took the two dogs happy snouts on his iphone – the one of the clock was my iphone and is I think amateur for sure! The food was a girlfriend..
I remember giving large dinner parties for my ex-husband’s staff. Being a Virgo, I had lists, dates, times, etc. I always set the table at least one day before the party and every serving dish, platter, etc., were plainly marked what was to be served in them. I did the flowers a day ahead to make sure that if any had drooped, I could replace them on the day of the party.
I kept the meals simple and I was not in the kitchen when guests arrived.
I wish I’d had your ‘Virgo virtues’! Many people don’t like to or don’t have the ability to do that, but it’s so helpful!
Dear Lady Carnarvon,
Yet another wonderful blog, the food looks delicious (made my mouth water), I agree that there is nothing better, than sitting around the dinner table, with good food, friends and family. I also think a lot of food doesn’t taste the same, whether it’s because you can buy it all year round, I remember as a child looking forward to Jersey Royal new potatoes being available in the shops, you knew summer had arrived, they also had a lovely earthy taste, which they sadly don’t seem to have nowadays. Talking of good food, I made the white onion and truffle soup, it was delicious.
Best wishes
Lorraine.x
thank you – that soup is yummy isn’t it?!
Produce in the shops is so sterile today. I remember being in a shop in Newfoundland and actually smelling the apples as I walked past the display. It took me back, and was such a treat.
It is lovely to stop because you can smell the fruit – or smell the air after rain..
It is, I’m making some more today.
Preparing for a dinner party this Saturday. Love your encouraging words and pictures. Enjoy a beautiful table setting with delicious food and wonderful company! …Love the pups!
Christine Newlin Schull
USA
The dogs are utterly focused..
I wholeheartedly agree! Virginia Woolf once said, “One cannot think well, love well or sleep well if one has not dined well.” Good food is certainly good medicine! Friendships and families are also formed over good food, creating wonderful memories that last a lifetime. Geordie and your mom must have had a great time reciting limericks and drinking wine. What a fun evening and a happy memory!
My dinner party was a great success, and I want to thank you for your wonderful videos and fabulous book. We all enjoyed a multi-course meal with wines from Argentina, California and Italy. Your chocolate pots were an instant hit! Our dear friends, born and bred Londoners, had a fantastic time. Another guest, a history professor and a storyteller, shared stories and played the bagpipes for us. At the end of the evening, I received a high compliment. Dr. Livingston said, “Thank you! I felt like I was at Downton Abbey!”
CONCORDO, OS VINHOS ARGENTINOS MERECEM DESTAQUE NÓS JANTARES .
It sounds amazing!
Convenido! El Malbec Argentino es maravilloso!
Danke für die lieben Zeilen…..ich warte immer ☺
Wunderbar
Dear Lady Carnarvon,
Well… I don’t know if you’ll allow this entry for public, but I have the most cringe-making meet-the-mother-in-law story ever.
Like you, I’d literally met my mother-in-law (a haute bourgeoisie French academic, like her husband) at least two times…..quite briefly, during their visits to the USA. I’d never visited their house in Tours, however, until The Horrible Day…about two years after my partner and I were an officially recognized “couple”.
We landed in Paris without my suitcase,rode the train down to Tours, and arrived LATE for a reception being thrown for us at my in-laws’ very pleasant house….a reception being thrown to celebrate my first French gallery opening at the Grange de Meslay. Everyone from the mayor to god-knows-who-else was at the house (and yes, the “public rooms” are on what we in America call the “Second floor”). I had nothing to wear, except what I’d put on 20 hours earlier in North Carolina. All the men in that family are minimally six inches taller than I am (I’m 5’6″). I ended wearing a suit (the younger brother’s, as I recall) with the trouser and coat cuffs jauntily (one hoped) rolled-back to reveal the silk linings. Ughh … I looked like a grey-haired Liza Minnelli, I thought.
WORSE YET… we got back upstairs, and the first thing that happened was my mother-in-law’s joyously announcing our arrival. Everyone turned to look, as she planted, one, two kisses on my cheeks … and then, as she went in for a third kiss, I made the mistake trying to be amusing in a second language.
How to phrase this delicately? I MEANT to say “don’t be greedy”, but not knowing the adjective for “greedy”, I substituted what I THOUGHT was the word for “glutton”. Turns out that, in front of all the town’s worthy-folk and eminences, I told her not to be a prostitute!
There was silence and many side-glances all around that large room. My partner hustled me out of the room and told me what I had just called her. We re-entered the party, and no one ever mentioned it again.
In my feeble defense…I had grown up loving the TIME/Life series of “Great Artists” books from the 1970’s. There was a particularly sanitized (in terms of the title) portrait by Toulouse Lautrec, which had been translated as “The Glutton”. The original French title does not, in fact, refer to whether the woman ate too much. It refers to how she made her living at La Moulin Rouge.
So… that was my first “Real” meeting with my mother-in-law. To the credit of everyone involved it was and has never been mentioned again. For them to all be French, that seems markedly English of them …
Amusedly,
David Terry
Oh my goodness – that is like a skit from a play!!
It is nice to read your blog. My life is so very different then yours although very happy. Our dogs, 2 English Springer Spaniels wonderful dogs, would love to run in your gardens. We have no separate dining room but I can imagine if we had that they where not allowed there either. Thank you for sharing . I am blessed with husband and 2 daughters and we all enjoy a wonderful lovely meal in good company. Wish you a nice dinner.
DEAR LADY CARNARVON,
YOUR DINNER IS VERY SPECIAL. I REMEMBER THE FILM FROM HOLLYWOOD – LA FETE DE BABETTE – ET -CHOCOLATE. WISH YOU A BEAUTIFUL DINNER.
BRASIL RIO CLARO SP
Thank you!!
Wonderful~~love the picture of your family. Enjoy all of your blogs & your video’s. Thanks, Sherrill Kearney
Thank you!
Meden agan…”nothing to excess” as written on the wall of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi, unless, of course, one is planning a formal dinner at Downton Abbey, then the Dowager Countess clearly states: “Nothing succeeds like excess”! What fun! This “Dinner at 8” blog had me smiling and recalling the first dinner I had for my Greek mother-in-law and my husband’s relatives…oh my! But your tales, Lady Carnarvon, are so much a joy to read. Hoping to see more recipe videos too. And the photos of the doggies are super, plus we have to spoil-the-pups during this Lunar Year of the Dog, yes?
We do indeed..
Fabulous writing and the photo is superb! I love your blog and all the sharing you so graciously provide us to understand your life. Today in West Tennessee the daffodils are blooming on the front walk…You know, ” I wandered lonely as a cloud”… O Happy Day!
Thank you so much for a glimpse into your lives. I love ALL things British and visiting England is certainly on my bucket list. My DNA is 65% Great Britian, even though I was born and raised in Georgia, USA. So I certainly see why I love anything British. Britain is in my blood. Went recently to see the Downton Abbey exhibit in Florida and enjoyed high tea at 3PM!
Again, thank you for sharing a bit of your lives with us. Hopefully I will get to see your beautiful country one day. Patricia
I hope you will visit too!
Thank you so much for sharing! Lovely pictures.
Dear Lady Carnarvon,
I love your blog. It is actually the first one I have followed faithfully. I really enjoy reading about life at Highclere Castle.
We are retired and living in Florida. I’m sad to say we do not really have a circle of friends here. I would be thrilled to entertain, but it is so casual here. Flip flops and shorts are the attire of the day.
My in laws were wonderful people. I met them when I was 15 years old. They were Mom and Dad from the first meeting back in 1965. They are both gone now, but I treasure the memories we have of them.
Another thing I treasure is our visit to Highclere Castle last April. We took the trip to celebrate our 50th Wedding Anniversary. I was so moved when I walked into the Castle that I got choked up and cried. I could not believe I was really there. I did not get the chance to meet you, but I met Luis and Matthew. What kind and thoughtful men. They made the visit even more special for me. I pray we can return, since my ancestors are originally from Staffordshire and surrounding areas. I believe all of my male ancestors went to Oxford. I’m just learning about this. I want to see everything!
God Bless you and Thank you,
L. Sue Smith
Englewood, Florida
Thank you – Luis and Matthew are kind and both of them have a great sense of humour
My husband and I just got home from our most recent visit to England and it was so nice to see your blog posting pop up! What a delight to read….and helps me pretend I am still there! I can certainly envision your family dinners & parties through your enlightening descriptions! We eat at 8 as well……plenty of time for socializing before and not too late for proper digestion! We also have monogrammed china but i don’t use it often…….love yours! Is it old or did you have it created when you and your husband got married? Which manufacturer is it? I hope to be back in England this summer and make a visit to Highclere!
That china plate design is new -but I do like to use old china on occasion rather than just leave it in cupboards.
This is all so entertaining to read and supper parties are a delight, and I have to admit our wee dogs do come into the dining room, they soon settle down and behave, well, they are family too.
Bella our older Lab is very good …
Today we hosted a Brunch for a few friends. Two items on our table where your Berry Crumble and your Chocolate Pots. Everyone loved both and I wanted to thank you for sharing your recipes with us. Both where easy to make and I loved the fact that I could do the pots the day before the brunch.
We will be visiting Highclere on 7/9. Our hope is to find time to have Tea at some point during our tour, this is a celebration of my 70th birthday and visiting Highclere is one thing I wanted to do to celebrate this special day. We would love to have you join us for Tea if you are there on that date.
Again, thanks so much for sharing your recipes!!! Karen
How wonderful – if I am here we will make a plan!
Dear Lady Carnarvon,
If there is one thing I will not forget after almost 45 years of marriage, it is the day our in laws and out laws as they call themselves all met. The photo in my album is a stitch, as the only ones smiling were my new husband David and I. Time passes, all are now gone, but many fond memories remain.
Thank you for the memories, and your comment about “nothing to excess” was one my Mum lived by in many ways although she always seemed to have more than enough to spare, and shared her abundance with all.
You are, I’m quite sure, a very gracious host.
Kind Regards,
Jane Hrabak
Thank you – I hope I am ever more relaxed as a host!
The quickest way to someone’s heart is through their stomach!
Agreed!